Potluck

 

T H I S    W E E K

The Theorist by Bo Fisher

 

This is How I Will Tell You I Love You: A Short Essay in Four Parts

Part I: The Introduction

When I say I have never been faithful, I mean I have never been faithful. In the 3rd grade, after eating Apple Cinnamon Cherrios every morning for my entire life, I started eating Lucky Charms, alternating Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays for the Cherrios and Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays for the Lucky Charms. I know it wasn’t fair to the Cheerios, but I got bored.

In my freshman year of college, I started out wanting to be a journalism major, but then changed to a business major for the hell of it. Then I double majored in music and business. Then I changed back to music again. I know it wasn’t fair to business, but, I got bored.

On the day I was supposed to start my first job, I tried on sixteen dresses before almost walking out the door in the twelfth dress I tried on, before nixing both completely and going with the first dress I tried on. I have no explanation for this, besides, well... I guess a mixture of uncertainty and boredom.

On a Tuesday before we were together and after I took a walk in the park and had sorbet, I made out with two different men, seven hours apart. I won’t bore you with the details besides tell you that one of them looked kind of like Matt Damon in the dark and I actually don’t remember anything about the other one beside his name was Charles (and that’s an old fashioned name).  I think that we can all agree that I will chalk this occurrence up to straight up boredom.

In conclusion, I am unfaithful because I am bored. And I am bored quite frequently. I add all of this infidelity up to the fact that I am a Libra, and it is well known in the land of horoscopes that we cannot make choices. Which is why it’s something of a miracle when I tell you I love you more than I love changing my mind.

 

Part II: The Thesis:

I suppose all I have been waiting to say is that, in plain and simple terms, I love you.

I love you.

 

Part III:  The Evidence:

This is the part where I will back up my confession of love with such quotes from famous writers that will prove that love is a good idea and a beautiful thing and that you shouldn’t freak out when I use the word love.

“All You Need is Love”- The Beatles

“Happiness is anyone and anything that’s loved by you.” – Charlie Brown

“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.”- Plato

I thought these quotes might convince you because I know that these are some of your heroes. Even though you once told me “All You Need is Love” is one of your least favorite Beatles songs, and you like Charlie Brown more than Plato.

But,

I will tell you, honestly, despite and because of everything

The reason I don’t play in the traffic is you, love. The reason that I wake up in the morning is you, love. The reason that I laugh and dance in the rain and hate most every other man, is you, love.

 

Part IV: The Conclusion:

In conclusion, after much deliberation, I promise to be as faithful to you as the day is long and as honest with you as Abraham Lincoln reportedly was.

I promise to swear less and wear a little more makeup sometimes and to not burn the toast every morning like I commonly do when I used to make toast for myself because I always forgot about it and left it in the toaster oven.

You will never be like that toast to me.

I will never, ever leave you alone.

 

Amanda Dissinger works with all sorts of music in Brooklyn. She enjoys 80s pop music, kickboxing, watermelon and the library and is working on her first book of poetry, also titled "This is How I Will Tell You I Love You." She also contributes to Potluck. You can read her pieces here and here.