The first episode of Futura Bold can be found at Shabby Doll House.
Dean wanted a cool day so Sistine provided a brisk walk along Sheridan Road in Chicago, Illinois. It was late September, she explained, and the seasons were intermingling, providing a crispy cool blanket of fall air. She then reprimanded Dean for not understanding how Autumn works.
Sistine provided a lighthouse, which Dean would stand next to and have embarrassing thoughts about how cool it was that he enjoyed lighthouses so much.
“Sistine, this lighthouse is beautiful!” he shouted, as he briskly walked along the stone pathway.
“I’m happy you think so, Dean! It’s been a pleasure processing them.”
Dean detected a hint of sarcasm in Sistine’s tone, but he was proud of her ability to express herself ironically.
“Sistine, where are the other people?” Dean asked
“Oh Dean, you request too much of me!” Sistine replied.
“What do you mean, Sistine?”
A jogger whizzed by Dean’s left shoulder, grazing it and providing Dean with a sudden sense of social satisfaction.
“Thanks, Sistine.”
“Hey Dean, have you ever seen Ferris Bueler’s Day Off? It’s a very funny movie, one of ‘the most innocent in a long time,’ said Roger Ebert.”
“Sistine, I don’t need to know that.”
“Sorry, Dean."
A mute five minutes followed.
“Honestly, Sistine, I’m bored. Put me somewhere new.”
“Okay, Dean.”
<land: Dean in enviro.gettysburgmuseum, lobby;/> <observe: Dean is confused and angry.;/> <listen: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE, SISTINE?;/> <interpret: Dean is overreacting.;/> <speak: Dean, you have never learned about the history of Gettysburg, so I landed you in the very-;/> <listen: PUT ME SOMEWHERE BEAUTIFUL RIGHT FUCKING NOW.;/> <note: Dean keeps Sistine from functioning properly.;/> <speak: You got it, Dean.;/>
Dean then sat holding his knee, looking out to the orange glow of the sunset’s reflection across the Indian Ocean.
“Sistine?” Dean asked. “How have previous SoftWear users interacted with this environment?”
“Great question, Dean! FlapboyJack suggests: ‘Spawn a hot babe-‘”
“Skip,” Dean interrupted.
“Yep! BondsandJones suggests:
‘Use a Chinese fishing extension pack by TailCorp and relax, man! Fishing is man’s way of shaking hands with water.’
I’ve downloaded a fishing extension, Dean!”
Dean felt the weight of a slim wooden fishing rod fall against his palms. His own Asian-style fishing rod! What a trip.
“Thanks, Sistine. Sorry for yelling earlier…”
“It’s no thing, Dean! This is your time, so let your hair down.”
So Dean did, albeit spiritually since his hair status is short, and he had a good day.
Alexander Seedman writes around. His journalism has appeared in Capital New York, Gothamist, and NYU Local. His fiction has appeared in Shabby Doll House, Keep This Bag Away From Children, and the Chicago Tribune (when he was 10). He lives in Brooklyn and greatly looks forward to becoming bionic by the year 2025.