People Who Are Happier Than Me
1. People who wear clogs
2. People who breakdance or at least know the helicopter move
3. My friend who has a job at a literal GOLD MINE after he graduates
4. My friend in New York who wears cobalt silk dresses and gets bottle service with the sparklers every weekend
5. People who fart freely in yoga classes
6. Daniel Gatenio, he put posters up around the school that said LOOFAHS ARE FOR ONE because his little sister used his loofah once without asking
7. Gold Retrievers, people who look like them, people who own them
8. People who have been to India or have spent a significant amount of time in Southeast Asia
9. Me in 5th grade when I discovered Mountain Dew
10. People who like Ladybugs even though they are just spotted beetles
11. People who drive VW Beetles
12. People who don’t make highly specified lists of people happier than them
13. People who play brass instruments, some string, and most woodwind
14. People who like to sketch prairie landscapes
15. Hot Moms and Sexy Dads
16. My parents (not hot or sexy). They’ve been married for 35 years, they own a tandem bicycle, and I think they might actually love each other
17. People who have been called a “National Treasure” by someone
18. People from California, Colorado, most of Wisconsin, and people who proudly say they’re from New Jersey and not “basically New York”
19. This girl in one of my classes freshman year who used a silver-glitter-gel pen to take notes on the Bosnian Genocide
20. My grandmother who told me “I never forgive, but sometimes I forget”