The following is an email thread between Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev and Russian President Vladimir Putin. Or something like that.
SUBJECT: Lunch?
DATE: 02/20/13
Hey Vlad,
Dmitry here. Want to get lunch sometime soon for old time’s sake? I know you’ve been busy with Sochi and all - I saw the coverage; really looked like a great time! But I would love to catch up now that the games are over to talk about a few things on the horizon. I heard about this great, new place in Red Square that we apparently have to try. Maybe we can grab a pint or two after, too. Remember our lunches when I was President? When you insisted to pay every time because you told me “I am the hand that feeds” ? Ha, those were the days.
Let me know whenever. Excited to hear about Sochi!
Best,
DM
***
SUBJECT: Re: Lunch?
DATE: 02/23/13
Hey Vlad,
Just wanted to check in. I haven’t heard back from you since my last email, but I wanted to see if you were still interested in getting lunch. Any day works for me, really. It’s up to you - whatever works best! By the way, have you seen the news about Ukraine? Didn’t we mention something about Crimea the last time we spoke? When was that, in January?
Hope to hear from you soon!
Sincerely,
DM
***
SUBJECT: Re: Lunch?
DATE: 02/28/13
Vlad,
Hey, just heard the news! Crazy!! Especially because we had just talked about it the other month, as I mentioned in my last email. Speaking of, have you gotten a chance to see if you have time for lunch? Totally understand if you’re busy and all with Crimea, but still interested in getting together to talk about everything on our agenda, if you can make it.
Let me know what works best for you! Of course, here if you need me, as always.
Best,
DM
***
SUBJECT: Just Checking In - Crimea/Things
DATE: 03/05/14
Hey Vlad,
Obviously, I can imagine you’re overwhelmed right now with work and all these talks of sanction from the Western powers. But don’t listen to them! Just remember what you told me when you were Prime Minister: “I’m in control now.” Let’s stay focused here. I know you hate when I say it, but we’re in this together.
Again, I’m here to help with anything and everything, whenever you need me. I’ll be at my desk all day, and my schedule is pretty open for the rest of this week, if you still wanna do that lunch. So let me know whenever you get the chance.
Talk soon,
DM
P.S. 12 Years a Slave won Best Picture! I told you we need to see it!
***
SUBJECT: Re: Just Checking In - Crimea/Things
DATE: 03/10/14
Vlad,
Haven’t heard from you in a while. I checked my spam folder for a response, just in case. Did you change your email? Ha, I guess I wouldn’t know if you did, right? But I’ve been trying to text you the past few weeks - let me know if you received any of them. Of course, no worries if you haven’t. I’ve been busy with a few things myself, including True Detective. Have you watched? It’s on HBO - 4 channels up from RT. The season finale was insane. I like that Matthew McConaughey character. He has your eyes, too.
Anyway, just wanted to see where we’re at with Crimea and all that. I have mixed feelings about a secession vote - and I know you always say I lack authority, how it’s my greatest weakness and all, but I don’t know! I need some convincing still; maybe I can hear your side of the story over lunch. Down?
Let me know what’s up when you can. Again, no pressure!
- DM
***
SUBJECT: Gchat Was Down
DATE: 03/17/14
Vlad,
Sorry for bombarding you with emails! Just wanted to give you a heads-up that Gchat is down. So, I’m not sure if you IMed me today, but, if you did, I probably didn’t receive it. But once everything’s good to go, so send away. And again, let me know if there’s anything you need me to do these next few days, with the annexation and everything else going on. I’ll be here by my phone, or on Gchat.
Have a great one,
DM
***
SUBJECT: Re: Lunch
DATE: 03/20/14
Vlad,
Here if you need me. No, seriously: let me know… please.
Hope to hear from you soon!
- D
P.S. Didn’t realize being Prime Minister was this uneventful. No wonder why you hated it.
John Surico is the hottest club in all of Berlin.