Bus Story, Part II / by Paul Christian

Keanu Reeves wonders if this week is shark week. If this week is shark week, Keanu Reeves will be very disappointed and considers texting Laurence Fishburne, asking him to confirm whether or not this week is in fact shark week, and if this is the case, asking him to activate his DVR device. Keanu Reeves does not fuck around with shark week. He removes his normal-sized and sensible Tom Ford sunglasses.

He thinks about what happens when you rehydrate beef jerky or raisins. Keanu Reeves feels wrong for thinking about this and checks hisself for visible lines in his window reflection. His transparent skin in the window appears nearly featureless as it is prodded by the upturned arms of rapidly passing cacti.

Keanu Reeves sees a small red object move down the center aisle between himself and the chicken man. The small red object is followed by a small pink human in a tiny white onesie. Keanu Reeves looks downward and the small red object turns out to be gumball rolling in a perfectly straight line due to being caught in a small groove in the marbled rubber flooring. The small pink human is pursuing the small red object. The small pink human does not fuck around with small red objects.

The small pink human keeps moving as the small red object becomes caught on a penny fallen across its groove. Keanu Reeves watches the small pink human pick up the small red object and place it in its mouth. Keanu Reeves notices that the small pink human does not have teeth and should probably not be placing a gumball in its mouth. Keanu Reeves thinks that, like the seats, the small pink human was probably manufactured in the 1990s. 

Keanu Reeves leans an arm on the windowsill and puts on his normal-sized and sensible Tom Ford sunglasses. Keanu Reeves feels strongly that this bus has passed by the exact same cactus several times. Keanu Reeves invents a name for this cactus. Keanu Reeves has named it Pointy Sandra Bullock. Keanu Reeves wonders what the small pink human's name is. “Maybe Francis, but I could also see Sharon,” Keanu Reeves thinks.

Keanu Reeves realizes that the small pink human is too small and too green and too pink to have been made in the 1990s. Keanu Reeves reaches down and retrieves the red object from the small pink human's mouth without a word. The small pink human becomes visibly and audibly upset because it does not realize that Keanu Reeves has prevented it from dying on a public bus. If the small pink human had known who Keanu Reeves was, the small pink human would no doubt feel honored, or at least tweet about it.

The small pink human's caretaker approaches, walks around the chicken man's extended legs and retrieves the human, apologizing to Keanu Reeves for the loud sounds emitted by it. The caretaker has not seen Keanu Reeves touch or interact with the small pink human. Keanu Reeves says, “It's fine. Nice baby.” The caretaker leaves and the small pink human is chewing on a part of itself.

The bus hits a small bump, which forces the small red object to roll into a separate floor groove from the penny. The object has continued on its way to the lavatory at the back of the bus. It has now turned a slight pink from being the the mouth of the small pink human and leaves a small trail behind it. The small formerly red object does not feel the need to use the lavatory at the back of the bus but nonetheless feels compelled toward it and does not know why. The small pink object does not know who Keanu Reeves is either.

Keanu Reeves collapses his normal-sized and sensible Tom Ford sunglasses which have convenient spring hinges. He places them in his Tom Ford sunglass case and sets it in his Chrome brand combination messenger bag and laptop case.

Keanu Reeves cranes his neck and peers into the bus driver's mirror, which shows the back of the bus from the front of the bus. Keanu Reeves sees a small pink object make impact with the section of wall to the left of the lavatory door. He does not hear the small pink object make impact with the section of wall to the left of the lavatory door. The impact is soft and the small pink object does not bounce but, because it still is somewhat damp, sticks to the section of wall to the left of the lavatory door. The small pink object feels a sense of completion, and relaxes, but does not stretch its arms because it does not have any.

Keanu Reeves looks to the chicken man. The clean-shaven area immediately surrounding the chicken man's mouth bears a heavy sheen of grease as he looks to Keanu Reeves. He smiles politely and turns toward the window again. Keanu Reeves thinks, “If that man's skin were paper it would be translucent right now. It would be translucent and I could see the layers of fat underneath.”

In the window, Keanu Reeves sees Pointy Sandra Bullock scrape past his forehead and he texts Laurence Fishburne.

Keanu Reeves asks Laurence Fishburne if it is shark week.

Laurence Fishburne answers right away. Within 120 seconds.

Laurence Fishburne does not fuck around with text messaging.