Train Story, Part I / by Paul Christian


Keanu Reeves is on a train and is making a face that is somewhere between mild but unpleasant heartburn from intake of spicy food, and the face one makes when being told one has a sexually transmitted infection. It is a passenger train meant for conveying people longer distances than trains that are categorized as light rail. Keanu Reeves places his head against the window then decides that placing his head against the window would be a bad and unsanitary idea as his head has on it several holes and permeable membranes.

Keanu Reeves thinks to himself, “I am Keanu Reeves and I am on a train. This is fine.” Keanu is going to visit his mother for her birthday. The three seats facing Keanu Reeves's are empty, as well as those across the aisle from him, except one. This seat is occupied by a middle-aged Asian-American man who seems to be invested in speaking in a very concerned tone at a rapid pace in a language Keanu Reeves does not recognize. The Asian-American man is speaking into a cell phone.

Keanu Reeves thinks about a sculpture he saw on tumblr once. Keanu Reeves did not see the actual sculpture itself, but instead saw several photos of it on his phone. The sculpture itself was a large balloon filled with a gas that somehow is lighter than the air outside the balloon, causing it to fly upwards and stay there once its tethers become taut. The balloon was made in the shape and image of a real live middle-aged Japanese man. The middle-aged Japanese man's name was not included in the tumblr post, and neither was the name of the artist. At night, the head was illuminated from within. This created an effect similar to what happens when a giant middle-aged Japanese man's head replaces the moon.

Keanu Reeves's mother's birthday gift, a handsome set of cut crystal tumblers and matching coasters will be delivered directly to her home. The tumblers will be delivered by small unmanned flying robot. The robot is scheduled to arrive at 5 PM.

Keanu opens a local newspaper and after looking at a grocery store ad emblazoned with the word “Especiales,” briefly reads the first, third and fourth paragraphs of an article about a young girl who had been found missing. Milk is on sale for $1.99/gallon. The girl Keanu Reeves is reading about was found missing the Saturday before at around 8 PM as she had not returned home for her evening meal and it is Tuesday. And it is 2 PM. Keanu Reeves feels a small amount of concern for the girl and Keanu's face also looks slightly more concerned.

Keanu Reeves smoked a joint before getting on the train. Keanu Reeves feels a general desire for a cup of coffee and wonders how Carrie-Ann Moss is doing. He thinks, briefly: "fine. Carrie-Ann is rich and is aging so gracefully." Keanu then ends this brief moment of concern.  The missing young girl's name is Staysi. Staysi Robertson. This variant spelling is similar to both “Stacy” and “Pepsi.”

Keanu Reeves goes to the lavatory on the train and discreetly smokes another joint. Keanu Reeves is opening the window and attempting to discreetly smoke a grey-area legal subtance with his head sticking out of a somewhat fast moving train. Keanu Reeves has now displaced his memory of that young girl who is missing or something. Keanu Reeves thinks about his mother, whom he will see in several hours once the train has reached its destination.




paul christian's sister tricked him into eating mud multiple times as a child. he is better now and almost has a masters degree in writing from calarts. his dad is very proud sometimes.