Potluck

 

T H I S    W E E K

WATERSLIDES IN AUXILIARY HOSPITAL WASHROOM by Daniel Thompson

 

Wildest

Interviewer:  Good evening America, welcome to Celebrity Chat, this is Jason Atkins interviewing Terri Tight, pornstar, on her book Wildest - Sex and More Sex on The PCT.

Jason:  How are you doing tonight Terry?

Terry:  I’m awesome.

Jason: Terry, what was your name before you adopted your nom de porn?

Terry:  My what?

Jason:  The name that you were born with.

Terry:  I was Sally Schlitt.

Jason:  What do you to say about claims that you ripped off the book Wild?

Terry:  Absolutely false.  First she only hiked part of the trail.  I walked the whole trail.  Second, that wannabe had sex once all the way from California to the Oregon border despite carrying a bunch of condoms.  Pitiful.  I had sex 200 times, or about once every 20 miles.  Not only that, but I’ve got the pictures and all the pertinent info on my partners – stats where it counts, duration and positions and even pictures in some cases.  Due to privacy issues I could not name names.

Jason:  Tell me about your documentary of the same name.

Terry:  As with the book, better in every way than “Wild.”

Jason:  I understand that the movie budget was just $111,563.67.”

Terry:  I hope that you aren’t some philistine that equates artistic value with dollars spent.

Jason:  Of course not.  But don’t some of those guys look like known porn actors rather than hikers?

Terry:  Why are you able to identify particular male porn actors?

Jason:  I’ll let that go.

Jason:  About the sex.  How did you find that many guys able to perform after a hard day on the trail?

Terry:  It wasn’t only after a hard day on the trail.  A lot of the time we took advantage of morning wood.  But when you are open minded like I am, and look and smell like I do, it’s easy to find willing partners.

Jason:   Speaking of your looks, I notice that your hair color and shape look a lot different than they did twenty years ago when your adventure took place.  What’s up with that?

Terry:  A lot of women color their hair and get some surgery.  As the song goes “You don’t want to be A cup in the XXX world.

Jason:  Odd, I had not heard that song.

Jason:  You have some critics that say you did not hike the whole trail.  They cite the fact that all of your pictures and scenes are close to junctions next to highways.

Terry:  Easy to explain.  That’s as close as I could get the photographers.  They are a bunch of wimps that could not hack it on a real trail.

Jason:  Did you write the book yourself?

Terry:  Damn right.  I have a high school education.  Some people just like to dump on adult actresses.

Jason:  Let’s expand on that.  How do you compare adult films with mainstream cinema?

Terry:  The adult world is so much better.  Mainstream can spend $100,000,000 on a movie, take months to film it, and turn out a pile of crap money loser.  We shoot in a week for a few thousand and never lose money.

In mainstream, guys are the bosses 90% of the time.  In adult, women rule.  The guys are just tools.  Oops, did I say that?  Anyway, you get the idea.

People dump on the plot and actors in porn, but have you ever seen a porn movie about cars that turn into robots?  Could Brad Pitt maintain an erection for fifteen minutes while servicing three different women who may smell bad or have the flu?  Could Meryl Streep simulate five orgasms with three men and two women in six different positions?  Now which do you think is better, porn or straight?

Jason:  Well, you’ve certainly given us a lot to think about.

Jason:  So how is the career, and what effect has Wildest had on your career?

Terry:  As you may know, cougar porn is booming, and I just barely qualify as a cougar.  I’m now number one in that subgenre.  Wildest has had great cross media synergy, or so my agent told me.  My movies have brought readers to the book, and my readers are now looking for my movies.

Like many successful actors, I’m moving into directing and writing.

Jason:  It looks like it’s time to go to commercial.  Terry, thanks a bunch for dropping by, and good luck on your dual career.

Terry:  Thanks for having me, and see you at the movies.  Check out CineMax for the softcore versions and go to Vivid for the hardcore DVDs.

Jason:  Next up, porn critic Carey Corsette.

 

Doug Hawley is a little old former actuary who lives with editor Sharon and cat Kitzhaber. He writes (Potluck, FOTW, Insert, Oblong, Hash, Subtopian, Jitter Press), hikes and volunteers.  He just started to twit @dougiamm.