A Millennial's Short-Term Goals: A Comprehensive List
- Excel at my job quickly and efficiently enough to pay off undergrad loans.
- Record an exemplary voicemail greeting and overcome fear of talking on the phone; but first, perfect the voicemail.
- Find a coffee shop reminiscent of Monk’s Café or the Central Perk to write in and spontaneously meet with friends.
- Have a culturally impactful piece published that creates national brouhaha but does not negatively affect my image.
- Gracefully overcome sibling rivalry in a manner that makes my sibling sensationally jealous.
- Engage in an intellectual debate about the 2016 race with a stranger in public; it’s a polite exchange, but onlookers unanimously agree I win.
- Run into an ex-flame on the street while looking extraordinarily attractive and successful; ex-flame is instantly scorned.
- Acquire an ex-flame.
- Maintain a healthy body with minimum effort without depriving myself of baked goods and obscene amounts of caffeine.
- Faultlessly explain my passion for women’s rights without tearing up, yelling, or throwing an object.
- Decide whether or not graduate school is feasible; if so, attend, graduate, and immediately reap the benefits.
- Pay off graduate school loans.
- Take a flawless selfie.
Emily Marchant is a freelance and creative writer.