A Millennial's Short-Term Goals: A Comprehensive List / by Emily Marchant

  • Excel at my job quickly and efficiently enough to pay off undergrad loans.
  • Record an exemplary voicemail greeting and overcome fear of talking on the phone; but first, perfect the voicemail.
  • Find a coffee shop reminiscent of Monk’s Café or the Central Perk to write in and spontaneously meet with friends.
  • Have a culturally impactful piece published that creates national brouhaha but does not negatively affect my image.
  • Gracefully overcome sibling rivalry in a manner that makes my sibling sensationally jealous.
  • Engage in an intellectual debate about the 2016 race with a stranger in public; it’s a polite exchange, but onlookers unanimously agree I win.
  • Run into an ex-flame on the street while looking extraordinarily attractive and successful; ex-flame is instantly scorned.
  • Acquire an ex-flame.
  • Maintain a healthy body with minimum effort without depriving myself of baked goods and obscene amounts of caffeine.
  • Faultlessly explain my passion for women’s rights without tearing up, yelling, or throwing an object.
  • Decide whether or not graduate school is feasible; if so, attend, graduate, and immediately reap the benefits.
  • Pay off graduate school loans.
  • Take a flawless selfie.


Emily Marchant is a freelance and creative writer.