a "space heater" would have to be huge
“well it’s time 2 clean my dad” renee says,
pouring the blood of a dead priest from a
mason jar into
a 1-liter VOSS water bottle in her kitchen.
renee’s dad seems “normal” in almost
but he has
somehow convinced his family and close
friends to take
turns cleaning him with the blood of
also renee’s dad is nicknamed the human
because when ppl scare him he makes loud
car alarm sounds
and it takes over 5 minutes to get him to stop..
well anyway on this day renee approaches her
dad, and renee is
a monocle for some reason.
actually there is no reason i take that back.
and she is holding the blood bottle,
dad is scared by the monocle
and renee’s dad starts making car alarm
sounds very loudly
it seems really immature of him, but it’s actually
just a reaction
like an allergy, nothing he can
do about it.
well renee’s mom walks in from the other room
she says “dear god renay,
what did u do now ;) to the human car alarm,
our dear father”
all of a sudden a dead clown
falls out of the ceiling of their home
onto the sofa
next to renee’s dad.
everyone goes silent.....
there is a note in the dead clown’s hand.
“now what could that little note say ;) ”
she goes over to look at it.
the note says “hehe”
the correct name for a bunch of bananas is a hand, and a single banana is called a finger
sarah was 1 year old.
hahahha too bad for her.
i am 14 and 4 months.
i was born during a meteor shower and it
shows in my personality.
cry about it.
take it to the bank,
see if they can cash it for u,
i was born during a meteor shower
and it shows in daily life.
sarah grew up eventually, she turned 13.
then she got in a “13 going on 30” type thing
and she was even older ages
eventually she grew to the age of, get this, 35.
more weird stuff happened
then she was 50.
trucks drove with corn all over the world.
trucks drove with soybeans.
trucks drove with natural gas.
global warming got worse.
people suffered. hurricanes.
gazelles drank water.
lions ate gazelles.
some of the gazelles got
away for a while.
the sky went from dark to light and
back to dark
over 12,000 times.
sarah was alive
sarah was alive and it was beautiful
sarah got away for a while.
then sarah was 90
sarah was dead.
sarah was dead and it was beautiful
sarah got away for a long time then.
Steve Roggenbuck lives in Tucson, Arizona. These stories are taken from Steve's new story collection, "Calculating How Big Of A Tip To Give Is The Easiest Thing Ever, Shout Out To My Family And Friends," which can be ordered here.